Frost here to stay…Damn! Damn! Damn!

April 30, 2010

Dearest Flotters,

The frosts have finally arrived and have already begun to work their mischief, for I woke early this morning to find all my roses bitten! The poor little Willmurt Witchwinkles were crying out for the warm weather but alas none is to be had for I have had it from the Will o’ the Wisp that the Frost is here to stay. A good while said he, so wrap your roses up in their best sockles, and prepare for a particularly long spell of cold! Nitwit Frost! If I could grab him by the collar I would! I would! No hesitation, flat jack! Pull his ignoble ears and dose him up with a particularly thick cut piece of my mind! Ha! Cappers! Anyhow hooters! Scribbydim and have a jolly good chucker whack until next time! Will be in touch very soon!

W

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I say, Mister Wickles!

April 27, 2010

An idea indeed! Bless my whiskers, Growler would soon sort them out – miserable miscreants!  But I say – a thought occurred to me when I read your communication – I had suspected that Mrs Stoat must have landed into good fortune of late, for she prances about with her snout twice as high as her ears! Well, she can flounce her fluff all she likes, I shan’t bother! Hmph! Young uns!

Myself, I have a bit of news for those eager ears of yours – hush hush, and all that, Good Sir – but it has recently come to my attention that the WillowRoot Estate is full of vulgar vermin; crows haunt it’s spires, and rats prowl it’s grounds! Oohh I hate rats! They also say that Old Man Willow is a most unpleasant sort! Full of mischief and a horror of a host! For all her faults, I do not envy Mrs Stephanie Stoat!

Of course, my good Mister Wickles, I have divulged this information to you for I know you to be the very soul of discretion! We must abide our time, and watch to see the outcome of this very intriguing turn of events! Keep your peepers peeled, there’s a dear! And keep me tuned!

Your friend, ( I have curdle in my whiskers, must be off! )

Flotsie Fleur

Boycott Pixie Mischief

April 27, 2010

Dear Flotsie,

The cheek is unfathomable! Unmatched! Upon my own Father Wickles Whiskers! Damn those pixies! Damn their trousers! Damn their dilly dallying about! I shall speak with Growler, he has had no end of trouble from them and wishes to form a referendum of sorts, to boycott this darned pixie perturbation! Dinnerplates!? Whatever next? On all accounts, I am having eggs for my breakfast; three delicious blue eggs! Soldiers on the  side, a quantity of salt and pepper, and a few rounds of tea from my favourite Patent Bindweed Teapot. It is such a lovely old thing, it was given me by my late godmother, Aunt Scotterwickle. A vixen and a half was she! Do tell me Dearest Flotters, have you heard from Stanley and Stephanie Stoat, of late? If you have not, then I shall inform you that Stanley’s Great Uncle Stockauld has recently fallen to demise, rest his blessed whiskers, and has left Stanley The WillowRoot Estate, but a mile from here! I know so, for I have just had it from Miss Fussbudgie herself! But you mustn’t mention it to anyone, as you and I both know dear Flotsie, that an ordeal even half as delicious as this would cause such a stir! Keep it under your bonnet then, there’s a good chickpea!

Uncle Wickers
(Wickles)

Post-Haste!

April 26, 2010

Oh me! Oh my! such a to do!!!

I am beside myself with worry! My cake “fell in” in the oven, the cordial’s too stickly sweet, and I’m losing my fur! Och, I’m at my wit’s end!

My Good Mister Wickles, I do cry your pardon! the little pixies who live on my rose bush stole my glasses, and hence I cannot see a thing! They have been using my specs as dinner plates by all accounts! Little Miss Fussbudgie espied them at a little tea party! Eating off my glasses! Oh, the cheek!

Do give my warmest well wishes to the good Badger! I shall send him some freshly baked bread and pickles post haste, by way of the Will o’ the Wisp who has come to sniff at my cakes cooling on the window! Put him to good use, I will! Hissing and whistling about getting a titbit! What is the world coming to!

~Flotsie

Wickles, my love, not Winkles!

April 26, 2010

What a spiffingly good idea, Dame F! I shall disclose my best waistcoat with the launder directly! Jellies, cakes, and indulgently sweet nibbles of all kinds are to be found at said occasions for gentlefolk, and THAT is why I intend to attend no rhyme intended! Ha! Good show; barking mad form! Capital, Old girl! Capital! Must tell you though that E. Badger has not been well: roaring headache, and back pains it would seem! Must take him over some of my Lemongrass and Nettle tea, works damned well, though I say it myself! A hot cup afore the fire will soon put the hairs on his chest, the old codskewer! Give my kindest regards to your guest. I saw her down by and by along the way having a fine chinwag with Mrs. Wetherby-Finch – What a handsome young trollop she is? Ha! Must be off! 

The Elusive Uncle W

A Note to Uncle Winkles

April 25, 2010

Dear Mister Winkles,

I am planning a Garden Party, and it is my pleasure to request your honest presence on Saturday at noon precisely.  There will be fruit jellies of every different colour, cakes, and all the cordials you could possibly wish to taste!

Please return word as to your coming ASAP and allow me, my dear Sir, to remain,

Yours sincerely,

Dame Flotsie F.

Willow and Hortleberry Pie

April 21, 2010

That Fox! Always running in and out of the cold! Oooh! He’ll do himself a mischief carrying on like that! Well I never!

Dearie me, but I already have a snippet of news! Mrs Mornie Doon is coming to stay! How delightful! Bless my tail, we shall have an absolute spiff of a time! Mrs Mornie Doon, you must know, is a very refined mole who lives just down the garden path and under the great willow tree by the pond.  She finds it very damp down there at this time of year, and wants to come and warm her pretty paws at my fire, or so she says.  Mr Foxy seems to think she just wants to try some of my Willow and Hortleberry pie! I baked some fresh at dawn,  just as the sun was rising bright and warm in the sky.  Myself I rather think that Uncle Winkles would like some of my pie himself, but oh no! He will simply have to wait! Guests first!

 – Aunty Flotsie

Uncle Wickle’s first fence post…Chin! Chin!

April 21, 2010

Scribbiddy dim, my chickpeas!

Late night at E. Badger’s. Positively capital feed he puts on! But now, to you, my wicked little winkles!

The morning’s been awfully cold, no snow as yet, but there’s a thick sleet on the wind, which makes getting in and out of doors a nightmare. I’m looking damned forward to slotting my trotters into my pea green slippers and settling down for tea and toast on the rug! Lovely to have you with us. Damn cold! Damn cold! Promise to have news as soon as any presents itself! Ha!

 Uncle Wickles

Welcome from Aunty Flotsie

April 21, 2010

WELL! It’s a freezing cold winter’s evening, and the blistery wind outside seems to encompass within itself all the rage of a beast trapped in the cold and striving to enter the house! Such a to do! I had to bar all the windows! Sigh… what I need is a warm cup of cocoa and to warm my footpaws by the fire!

But I thought that I simply must pen this welcome to my dear readers before setting my feet up and enjoying my cocoa!

So welcome, dear friends! And come, sit, and enjoy!

 – Aunty Flots